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Dorothy: Ma, I DON'T snore.
Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn't inhale the drapes!

Rose: I've been on the phone for a half hour and you'll never guess what happened.
Dorothy: You realized you forgot to dial first.
Rose: No.
Blanche: You were holding the receiver the wrong way.
Rose: No.
Dorothy: You were talking into the TV remote instead of the phone.
Rose: No.
Blanche: A shoe?
Rose: No, I'm not an idiot. - The TV has a remote?

Blanche: What was your first impression of me?
Rose: I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup.

Rose: Everybody likes me.
Sophia: I don't!
Rose: Oh, you just say that Sophia.
Sophia: REPEATEDLY!

Sophia: If I met a man who was over seventy but still looked half-way decent, I'd be on my back faster than you could say, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Sophia: All you ever do is talk about your sexual problems! Well, what about my sexual problem?
Dorothy: Ma, what is your sexual problem?
Sophia: I'm not getting any!

Blanche: [to Sophia] My mistake. I thought since you look like Yoda you were also wise

[Blanche comes into the kitchen. Rose can't see her]
Blanche: I am nothing but a disgusting cheap slut.
Rose: Don't tell me... it's Blanche.